Great Pick-me-ups

Not to be confused with pick-up lines, but some things that help in changing my mood for the better most of the times:

• The sight of my niece or listening to her talk
• ‘Sri Satyanarayanam’ or ‘Mayamma’ by Sanjay
• Lalgudi’s violin recital
• Picking up the phone and saying ‘Hi’ to my friend who can immediately sense my mood and listen to him prattle on endlessly about absurd stuff, without expecting a reply from me
• Any book by Wodehouse or Sujatha
• Singing the lines ‘Vaazhkai enraal aayiram irukum- Vaasal thorum vedanai irukum; vanda thunbam eduvenraalum; vaadi ninraal oduvathillai - Edayum thaangum idayam irundaal iruthi varaikum amaithi irukum’ (In life thousands of things happen, at every phase sorrows may affect you, but any difficulty does not go away if you sit and sulk about it. If you have a strong heart that can take anything, you will be peaceful till the end), from the song ‘Mayakkama Kalakkama’ by Kannadasan
• Go for a long walk
• Listen to my mother talk
• Spend time in the company of people who don’t find it necessary to fill silences with words.

None of the above cost anything and they work for me. What about you?

Bommai - A 24 hour story

There are times when I have a strange and uncontrollable urge to watch a good movie. I look at my long list of movies and have no mind to watch even one. I look at my DVD library in vain to find one Tamil/Hindi movie that I want to re-watch and I just cannot find one. And these are moments when even my most favourite movie in any other language (Its a wonderful life or Children of Heaven etc. for example) will simply not do.

And I go to flashback mode when DD would throw movies to us like a miser throws food to a beggar - one a week, not including the Hindi movie on Saturday and the regional snoozefest movie of the week on Sunday afternoons (which I still watched by the way!!). I have watched many many movies that would have scarred a normal person irreparably and came out unscathed (although a few others may claim to have discovered the mystery behind my weirdness finally). As a rule, DD would play movies that no person would pay a video lending library hard-earned money for. But DD did something wonderful too. It was (and probably is) the only channel that regularly screened old B&W movies. Thinking back, I think DD’s whole strategy was to make people appreciate B&W movies - Give the viewers a series of torture flicks that were not B&W until they beg for mercy and then give them a B&W movie, which at least had a story!!

I grew up with a healthy appreciation for the B&W movies, thanks to my mother, who would play old songs on radio and cassette players non-stop. I was at home last weekend, when my mom’s remote-crazy fingers finally settled on a channel. I looked up from my book to see one of my favourite movies of yesteryears called ‘Bommai’ (’The Doll’). I watched the movie again after more than 10 years and watched it with renewed appreciation for the style and the script.

It was almost like Hitchcock had made a tamil movie. The movie had a lot of novelties. For starters, it was a thriller and story happens over a period of 24 hours. None of the actors were stars and the script ruled. The movie was written and directed by the maverick director - S. Balachander, who was more popularly known as Veenai Balachander for his prowess with the Veena.

Another interesting tidbit about the music is that the movie featured a song which was sung by a beggar. The rhythm of the song is very slow and the lyrics very philosophical. The young singer who debuted in film music with this song, supposedly lamented that his career was starting off on such an unattractive note. However his career took off and he never looked back. He became one of the most popular singers in India, singing in all Southern languages and becoming quite popular in Hindi too. The singer was none other than K.J.Yesudas!!

The plot of the movie centers around a plot by a group of friends to kill their boss with a bomb hidden inside a doll. Each person in the group has a different reason to hate the boss, none of them noble. The boss, a wealthy old man, is on his way to Singapore and a few in the group have reasons to fear this trip. As a result, they plan to meet with him in the airport and hand over the doll to him, asking him to deliver it to a friend in Singapore. The paper containing the address is pasted to the back of the doll and the trigger for the bomb is attached to it. Unfortunately, they miss the doll in the taxi on their way to the airport. The taxi is then hired by a young couple who find the doll and decide to steal it to gift it to their daughter. The story follows the doll and its misadventures. Does the gang recover the doll? Does the boss get killed? These are questions answered in the end of the movie.

To say that the movie was ahead of its times would be grossly understating it. The nail-biter sequences rival classic thriller movies of all times. Cinematography was brilliant although it was a black and white movie. Songs were composed by S.B himself and are all very pleasing. I especially love the song- ‘Engo pirandavaram’ - a lovely composition in Sahana, which is a proof of S.B’s knowledge of classical music.

S.Balachander made about 4-5 movies in total, almost all of them were thrillers. I remember at least 2 others. ‘Nadu Iravil’ is another classic and was a trendsetter when it released. It was probably the first movie (and only one for a long time!) to have no songs. I remember being blown away by the way the screenplay was written, even at an age when I did not know what a screenplay was! The other is ‘Nadu Iravil’ - a thriller based loosely on the Agatha Christie mystery ‘And then there were none’ (Gumnaam was made much later).

Bommai’s uniqueness was present till the last slide showing ‘Vanakkam’. After the movie ends, SB appears on the screen and requests the audience to stay on for a few more minutes. He talks about the story and introduces the actors and all the technicians - every single one of them including the person who supplied food and tea, the lightman etc., in person. He ends with the statement - ‘And I forgot an important character in the movie’ and the camera zooms to the doll used in the movie and the slide showing ‘Vanakkam’.

Now with all the money poured in, the ’stars’ and wooden models posing as actors, money spent on advertising and media crying hoarse about how the styling of actors of an upcoming movie was done and how much was spent for a certain costume in the movie, the core of a movie - the story is lost. And the innumerable songs and dramatic style of acting notwithstanding, most B&W movies make me long for the days when story will again become the king in any movie!!

P.S: For a very interesting write-up on S.Balachander, visit this link containing a fond remembrance by his nephew:

http://v-s-gopal.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/04/the-legendary-genius-of-s-balachander-remembrance.htm

Dante’s Equation - When Physics met Judaism!!

When I read Eric Segal’s ‘Acts of Faith’ the first time, I had very little idea about Judaism and Jewish customs. Those were days when I had not yet resorted to searching Wikipedia and other sites for every single thing. And rather than read a treatise on the religion itself, the book gave some insight on one of the oldest religions of the world. It remains one of my favourite novels of all times.

Years later, I came across the 2003 novel Dante’s Equation by Jane Jenson and read about the book before reading the book itself. The back-cover told me that the novel had equal parts science, science fiction and Kabbalah (Jewish mysticism). My curiosity was piqued. I had been reading way too many legal thrillers and murder mysteries and people had started noticing a manic gleam in my eyes recently and I decided to turn a new leaf for a change! The name ‘Dante’ in the title only made my interest stronger. A year back I read a novel called ‘The Dante Club’ by Matthew Pearl and found it a great read. And so I started reading this novel.

The first half of ‘Dante’s Equation’ has 4 parallel threads. Similar to ‘Acts of Faith’, chapter titles refer to the main character of the thread.

a. Denton Wyle - A playboy reporter who works for a magazine called ‘Mysterious World’ in LA. As the name suggests, the magazine runs stories on mysterious occurrences throughout the world. At the time the novel starts, Denton is working on an article on mysterious disappearances all over the world, since he has witnessed one of his brother when he was a child. Denton Wyle is described as a shallow and selfish person who cannot be called a hero in any respect.

b. Aharon Handalman - A rabbi (Jewish priest) and Torah scholar who believes that the Torah has hidden codes in the form of arrays. He is working on identifying recurring patterns and key-words in the Torah to determine secret messages if any with his assistant/student.

c. Jill Talcott, Nate Andros - Dr. Jill Alcott is a physicist who thinks she has made the discovery of a lifetime, by way of discovering a new wave that is capable of altering the surroundings. Her assistant/student Nate is dedicated and is smitten by her but Jill pretends to not notice.

d. Calder Farris - The mandatory villain of the novel. A cold-blooded mercenary working for the US Department of Defense, his primary responsibility is to identify and bring to notice of DoD, advancements in weapons technology from non-mainstream sources like scientists.

Denton Wyle hears about the disappearance of a Jewish physicist called Yosef Kobinski in the Auschwitz concentration camp in Poland during the Holocaust. He also chances upon a few pages of manuscript of a book titled ‘The book of torment’ that Kobinski wrote while in the concentration camp. He goes in search of the remaining pages of the manuscript to understand the reason behind Kobinski’s disappearance.

Rabbi Handalman comes upon quite a few references of Kobinski in the arrays in Torah. Along side the physicist’s name also occur other ominous words like weapon, destruction etc. Rabbi decides to investigate and ends up going to Washington to meet with Jill Talcott.

Jill Talcott and Nate realize that they have discovered something significant after running successful tests with the wave generator. They name the wave one-minus-one. The wave apparently seems to affect the surroundings and Jill surmises that it is because the wave disturbs the fabric of space and time.

Calder Farris finds that Jill Talcott has hit upon something that could possibly be used as a weapon and goes to meet with her. Meanwhile, while increasing the frequency of the wave, Jill falls sick and leaves the lab and the lab is burnt due to a furnace blast in the building.

Rabbi Handalman shows her the pages of Kobinski’s manuscript that he has managed to trace and shows the mathematical equations that Kobinski had written in the manuscript. Apparently Kobinski had already arrived at the wave equation. According to his theory, the wave alters the good or evil quality of a person.

As it usually happens in many movies, all the protogonists of the story end up in Auschwitz and disappear through the black hole. Depending on the nature of the person, they end up in different universes and/or galaxies.

Here onwards, the novel becomes a bit too bizarre for my taste. But that is probably because I do not enjoy fantasies much (LOTR being a rare exception). However, like every good Hollywood/Indian masala movie, all is well that ends well and all of them return to Earth. And even better every character has changed for the better.

The first half of the book is a real page-turner with action happening throughout. I liked the way Jensen linked wave theory and Jewish beliefs. Although multiple threads of narrative run in parallel, clarity is not lost. The characters were all well-etched and fully rounded, i.e., no perfect guy or no rotten-to-the-core guy.

The second half was very well written too, except that I frequently lost interest. For some reason books/movies on aliens, alternate universes etc. have never been of interest to me. In all the books/movies on aliens, human beings tend to project themselves on to the alien’s physiology, mind-set etc. and the limitation of such imagination shows. Aliens are described to be minor variations of a human being, with a torso, upper and lower limbs, all the sense organs etc. It is the same case here. The planets were different - multiple suns, different gravitational forces, different types of animals (still quadrupeds), different ‘languages’ but the aliens were still humanoids!! (I had the same gripe with Avatar too!). But to be fair to the author, she manages to create unique universes and people and troubles and keeps up the pace here too.

The idea of choosing a well-known event in the past, i.e., the Holocaust to represent total evil and thus one of the possible places for the ‘black hole’ was great. It was also interesting that there are many Jewish who believe that the Torah holds many encrypted messages and prophesies and have devoted their lives to its study.

So is this great literature? By no measure !! But it is definitely a good read. A much better piece of fiction than, say, Dan Brown’s best-seller ‘The Da Vinci Code’, since although it uses religion and religious beliefs as the back-drop, at no point does it ridicule them. Instead the novel treads a safe path by showing a common meeting point for the two.

The Unspoken Word

They say the pen is mightier than the sword. Words, when effectively employed supposedly are very potent, capable of overthrowing governments and changing lives. How relevant this saying is in today’s world of ‘Sensational Headlines’ that hold the readers’ attention for less than a day, is debatable.

But think of the common person’s life, where pens figure rarely. After all, the most basic form of slander - gossip requires no pen/keyboard to start or spread! Think of at least 5 instances from your past where you fought with a friend/relative. What sparked the argument/quarrel? Do you remember everything that was said by you or the other person or do some words stick out in particular?

Think of your role as a person who cast aspersions instead of the usual thought of being victimized. Are you able to recollect a word that you spoke before thinking about its impact and wished later you had never spoken? Or one that triggered so many more words that the whole memory of its utterance lies buried in your subconscious?

So, what exactly am I trying to say here? (Thanks for staying with me till here and trusting me to actually say something!). Here is my theory. I think that silences at the right times are way more powerful than words. And I am not talking only about quarrels/arguments with loved ones. Silences are mighty useful in a lot of other scenarios. Sample these:

a. When you cannot think of anything witty enough to say, silence, accompanied by a knowing smile is construed as depth of character (Experience speaks).

b. Silence in response to a person who is shouting his/her head off, is seen as a sign of emotional maturity and the speaker (shouter?!?) feels admonished without being told anything.

c. Maintaining silence when nasty comments are made about others in gossip sessions, ensures that you never have to eat back your words in the future.

d. Remaining silent when your manager badgers you and tries to force you to agree to do something that you don’t want to do, says NO louder than words do (after the first verbal ‘No’ of course - again this is from experience).

If you have to speak, here is what some great people have said about speech in general. And the last one is superb!

‘Iniya ulavaga innadha kooral kani iruppak kaai kavarndhatru’- Tiruvalluvarl in Tirukural

(Using harsh words when sweet words are available, is like seeking an unripe fruit when a ripe one is available).

‘Aisi baani biliye mann ka aapa khoy

Auran ko seetal karey, aapahu seetal hoi’ - Kabir

(Speak words that make the sorrows of the heart go away - Words that please others and please you too)

And on the power of the Unspoken word, by my favourite poet/lyricist Kannadasan :

‘Sollada sollukku vilayedum illai’ - from the song ‘Naan pesa ninaipathellam’

(The unspoken words are priceless)!!

All Hail the Unspoken Word!!

The (in)considerate Indian

The lady looked very familiar. She smiled, and I smiled back, hoping she would not come and try to start the conversation! Not that I did not like her or anything, it was simply that I could not seem to remember her name. Thankfully, the person she was speaking to did not pause and I got out still trying to recollect.

She used to sit next to me when I was out of a project and waiting to leave to the US for the next assignment. She would tell me her troubles with her previous manager and the hurdles she was facing within the company in spite of being a good performer. I remembered all these things, but her name was still a mystery.

Two days later I found her talking to the next desk neighbour, with whom I exchanged smiles every morning, but had no idea of her name, designation etc. I then turned to my screen hoping she would not stop by to say Hi, to continue with my work (which in this case, refers to deep thought while looking at the laptop monitor, browsing random sites, checking mails and other ultra-important tasks). Luck, I learnt, does not favour the same person twice. She stopped at my desk and said Hi.

‘Hi, how are you? I thought you were in the US?’ I said.

‘I returned a few months back. You are Rathi, right? How are you?’, she said.

‘Great’ (conversations should always end here. Responding with a ‘Great’ with nothing else following usually hints at lack of topics or talent to sustain the small talk. Alas, not every body seems to know about this!!)

She showed no sign of moving away. So I asked her a few more questions about her, but not before confessing with a stupid-me-I-forgot grin (the ugliest possible one) that I could not recollect her name.

Then came the question (finally I am getting to the part which may justify the post title somewhat).

‘So are you married now?’ she asked.

‘No’ I said. Why give more information than asked for?

‘Oh!! You told me a few years back that you were not interested. You mean you have not yet changed your mind?!’ she asked.

‘No’ I said (reason mentioned above). I also gave my second ugly grin which meant that I considered these questions as invasion into my privacy, that I resented it but I was too polite to tell her.

‘So are you planning to go on site again?’ I asked. I thought I was gently trying to steer the conversation away from the topic.

‘I am looking for opportunities’ she said. But her eyes had taken on a strange light. And she was grinning at me in a stupid manner. It looked exactly like the look on my face when I saw Circus freaks doing something funny. (Let us leave the logic of how I would know how my face looked at that time for now).

She was still looking at me like I was a freak or something. And I was trying to look away, at my laptop, at the wall - anything to show that to me the conversation had ended.

She was made of sterner stuff.

Out of the blue, she asked ‘Don’t you feel lonely?’.

‘Please leave me alone’, I wanted to say. Instead I answered with my favourite response - ‘No’.

Since she did not respond, but kept giving me that are-you-real look with a stupid smile, I explained that I lived with my parents and obviously did not feel lonely.

I then asked her if she was married and if her husband had accompanied her to US. She said she was gone for a year and a half by herself since her husband had his own business here. Fancy asking me if I was lonely since I was single!!

I continued talking about my job and asked her a few questions about hers. And she responded with another weird question.

‘Do you do any social service etc. to keep yourselves engaged?’

I am really proud to say that even at this question and implicit suggestion that women remain single because they want to serve the society and mankind or because they have old invalid parents to take care of or because they are self-sacrificing martyrs, I managed to reign in my temper and answered politely that I hardly got time to get involved in any such thing on a regular basis.

Finally she took leave after making me promise to stay in touch (you wish!!) and send her emails, even if they were forwards. I am sure that had she had a camera with her, she would have clicked a few photos to show her friends about this new museum specimen.

Have you noticed how marriage is a favourite topic for Indians? That is one topic on which we do not mind showering our advice on friends, relatives and strangers alike. I think this trait is common among Indians than people of any other country. Some quick examples from my autobiography (which I intend to publish after I do something worthwhile besides write useless blog posts and browsing useless sites).

a. A friend who has no idea whether I am alive or dead and never bothers to find out till I call her once in a few years, when I am in the US, who thinks it is her duty as a friend who is older than me by a few months, how important it is that I should get married. I have repeatedly threatened to put the phone down and told her without mincing words that my life was my business.

b. A 50-60 year old Indian that I met in the Newark airport struck up a conversation (only because my mother was with me and she is extremely social). Within 5 min of getting introduced, he asked me if I was married and on hearing my response, thought it was ok to advise my mother to get me married off!

c. I had just returned from onsite once and my mother introduced me to our new maid-servant (about 50-60 years old). She looked at me critically and asked if I was the one who refused to marry and promptly told me that I was wrong and that I should change my mind.

d. A colleague I met at on-site during one of my visits started talking to me soon after he came to know that I was from Chennai. Within 5 minutes he wanted to know why I wasn’t married and whether it was because of love failure. He even offered to link me up with some of his weird friends who were still single!

e. The parents of a prospective bride for my brother had visited to check out the size of our house, our family etc a few years back. The mother supposedly asked my mother why I was not married and later checked with my relative if I suffered from any disease.

These are just examples that I could recollect. Numerous other relatives, friends (most irritating considering their age) and neighbours of the former groups jump in to give free advice on the evils of being single. The funny part is none of these people are even concerned how I live or what I do. Their duty will end with seeing people around them happily or otherwise married, and later bear children.

What is this fixation with others marriage and personal lives? I sometimes think that Indians as such, love to see single people married soon and married people bear children immediately after. We are born matchmakers and we concern ourselves with others’ problems more than our own.

Thankfully I am past the age where I find these people irritating. I am happy that at least for a few moments I am able to get them out of their humdrum lives by providing some entertainment (as a freak) and give them a feeling of being kind and responsible people who only want good things for single girls/women around them.

Some concerts..Some thoughts..

The Chennai music season is almost here. Although it officially starts on December 15th, the first day of the tamil month Margazhi, the increasing number of performing artists and overwhelming public response, the music season of Chennai starts way earlier - by mid-November than in previous years.

Having resolved to attend at least 4-5 concerts this year and thereby make best use of being located in the musical hub of Chennai, I attended 4 concerts over 2 days last week at the Margazhi Mahotsavam series of concerts conducted by Jaya TV at Chettinad Vidyashram. I chose to attend these concerts because they were by my favourite artists - TM Krishna (on Friday) and Sanjay Subrahmanyam (on Saturday). Attending the other 2 concerts was purely incidental, since these concerts were held in the same hall before my favourite concerts and the only way I could get a seat was by attending the previous concerts as well.

Rather than dwell on the content of the concerts themselves, I thought I will jot down a few random thoughts that passed my mind while attending these concerts (In keeping with the Chennai tradition, hereafter in this post, I will be referring to all female strangers over 60 as maamis and the male strangers as maamas) :

• Chennaiites are persevering and resilient especially when it comes to supporting arts. The long queue consisting mainly of people over 60 waiting outside the concert hall, to be let in 5 minutes before the start of the concert at 5 pm was proof of this fact. Most had been waiting for almost an hour to be let in.
• Rules and Indians can not co-exist. Although the notice boards explicitly mentioned that outside food and drinks were not allowed, most had sneaked in biscuits, water etc to be consumed in between the first and second concert.
• The other perfunctory instruction ‘Silence Please’ was also royally ignored. On day 2, the maami behind me was giving a running commentary of the ragas sung in the concert to the older maami next to her who seemed to have a minor hearing disability.
• The Chennai concert hall audience takes great pleasure in identifying ragas and considers it a challenge to identify the ragam within the first 30 seconds of the song/alapana. So while I was silently battling between enjoying the beautiful alapana and identifying the name of the ragam which seemed to be eluding my mind, the others behind me were engaged in debating the ragam. Both of us struck gold at the same instant - Charukesi along with the songs I had heard and images of a bad dance in a movie (Ambika in Sri Raghavendra) flashed in my mind, while the person behind me enthusiastically yelled out Charukesi at the same time!! Needless to say, I was able to enjoy the rest of the alapana in peace!!
• Curiosity is a very bad thing, especially when it disturbs people around you. The maami in the front seat on day 2, was one curious dame! She was restless every time somebody entered the hall especially near the VIP entrance. Her head bobbed up and down almost throughout the concert and obstructed my view repeatedly. However after a few songs, I found a position where I would gain an unobstructed and uninterrupted view of the stage (although this does not really matter in the concert).
• People feel at home in concert halls. So while one maama one seat away from me on day 2, kept filling up the Sudoku grid while nodding his head to the music, the maami who sat next to me on day 1, made herself comfortable by folding her legs on the chair and enjoying the music.
• Most people in the audience have no compunction in visibly displaying their enthusiasm over the concert. I found a few maamas literally swaying from side to side, while remaining seated and letting out appreciative ‘Aahas’ and ‘Sabhash’ when the performance was particularly delightful. This could also be because of the average age of the listeners. People probably become less uptight as they grow older.
• People had come from other remote parts of Chennai, many after a long day’s work in the office and stayed till the end of the concerts. What, other than passion for music, could make them do that?
• For someone attending a Carnatic music concert for the first time, the scene inside the concert hall may some times remind him/her of the scene in Sindhubhairavi where the entire audience clap to the talam. Apart from the singer and the violinist, most members of the audience were tapping their hands to the talam.
• While the music was wonderful, the question and answer sessions with the main artists were delightful as well.
• Both Krishna and Sanjay were brilliant, although their styles were completely different. Krishna spoke a lot about each song before commencing the song and the effort he had put in was very visible. Sanjay, on the other hand sang one krithi after the other and stopped only in the end for answering the questions. His effort at singing compositions of a composer who is not very famous were no less than Krishna’s but Sanjay underplayed it completely.
• Criticism is easy, but the effort behind every concert is phenomenal. I simply could not get that out of my mind for the next few days (till this minute). If one concert requires so much preparation, imagine the effort required to sing in over 30-40 concerts over a period of 2 months, without repeating oneself, since the audience and critics are watching all the time!! Amazing isn’t it?
• As always happens with me, I was elated with the experience of live concerts and depressed over my not learning music. Elation was more than the depression, though

Chennai Music Season absolutely rocks!!!

Meeting and Parting

One of the unforeseen consequences of choosing to remain single is how you remain mommy’s little girl/boy all your life. This also means that more often than not, you are expected to accompany your parents to all weddings/betrothals/birth anniversaries/religious festival exclusively for ageing relatives to get together etc.

I usually do not mind these, for it almost always means free food (traditional and served on a banana leaf!) and a chance to observe a lot of different people from a distance. Also, the fact that I was forced to miss out on most weddings in the family, thanks to my job, makes me all the more expectant about attending these family functions, if not for anything else, at least to wear the glittery clothes which I can never wear to work. The obvious difficulties are questions from hyperactive elders on my life. However I have also learnt to overlook these minor inconveniences with the larger good (I do not mean the size of my tummy by that!!) in mind.

Now, as a few of you must have guessed, based on my previous posts, I am easily contented, especially when it comes to people. All I need to be happy in a crowd is to be left to myself. I do not get offended if I am not surrounded by admirers and well-wishers, nor do I mind if I am treated as another piece of furniture in social gatherings. However, some friendly souls insist on making me ‘comfortable’, no doubt with a noble intention. As a result, a few usually walk to where I sit with my mother, with an expression that is usually accepted as some kind of a smile (although my effort is to not look sullen) and introduce themselves.

Our first challenge starts here.

‘Do you recognize me? Tell me who I am?’ - Well, if you don’t know, who am I to tell you? - I usually tell myself, but give another expression and this time it is supposed to make people think that I am embarrassed, that I actually know the person, but simply cannot recollect. This too is expected and the person explains earnestly how one of my ancestors was related by marriage/blood to one of his/her ancestors. And every single time I admire them for their optimism. You would think that after all these years of introducing themselves to random relatives, they still hope that the listener will remember and recognize them the next time!!

Anyway, for a person who is as good as a stranger (although, you are supposed to know the person from his/her visit about 15-20 years ago, when you were just learning to walk!), the conversation cannot be endless, especially when the person is on the other end is a wonderful conversationalist like me. After asking after parents, siblings, work, location (are you visiting India or do you live here?) etc, the conversation slowly starts dawdling.

The next challenge - how do you get out of the place. This, I am proud to say, has not been a big problem with me, because of 2 reasons:

1. I usually do not move from my seat, so it is the other person who needs to find an escape route!
2. My conversational skills are anyway non-existent and I do not usually have a problem with silences in conversations.

However, there are occasions when I have had to go around and greet people (usually older than me) as a mark of respect and to prove that I am not a snob (this is very important and required with relatives, since I am expected to misbehave as a result of a high-paying job and foreign trips). And every single time, while starting a conversation is simple, since there is a template for it - Questions on the person, his/her health, his/her children/grandchildren etc. - there is no easy way to end the conversation and move away. And then the conversation comes to a grinding halt.

From here on, the following usually happen:

• I look away, he/she looks away. I hope to catch the eye of some other cousin and pretend he/she is calling out to me. I then excuse myself saying I am needed elsewhere.
• I hope someone, anyone in the vicinity asks for water and offer to get it for them and leave the place.
• I suddenly look into my purse and pretend to suddenly remember that I was supposed to give my mother something. I then request to be excused for 2 min.
• I pray hard for my mobile to ring (and it never ever does when I need it to!!)

To me, this parting is the biggest issue I have with meeting people. Nothing emotional or sentimental, mind you. I admit I am socially challenged (a euphemistic term I have coined for myself, others simply say I am unfriendly) and that is probably why something as simple as ending a conversation seems such a big deal to me. Like M.Night Shyamalan showed us with ‘Unbreakable’, I am assuming that for every person like me, there must be an antithesis - a person who thinks these are not issues worth writing a post over. And it is to these kind hearts that I direct my request towards.

How do you say goodbye or end a conversation? I would prefer it if you can give me a sequence of steps to be followed rather than simply dismissing my plea for help as frivolous!