The Misunderstood

It was love at first sight - for both of us.

People may say a lot of things now - don't believe them. It was love and it was mutual - no matter what others tell you.

I think it is sheer cruelty to treat people who aren't demonstrative insensitively - like they don't have feelings at all. Some of us are expressive, some aren't. And just because someone does not show his/ her feelings, doesn't mean he/ she does not have them? Wouldn't you agree?

When Kiran walked in that day - my heart stopped beating for a minute. I knew it then, that I had fallen head-over-heels in love. I felt everything around me vividly - the colours around me seemed more pronounced, my sense of hearing had sharpened. I remember the smell of cookies on the table, the perfume I had worn and the indescribable fragrance that wafted from Kiran.

I tried hard to ignore my feelings, but then, when has love ever been rational? Kiran did not look up once, but I knew. I just did! I knew that Kiran had fallen for me too, but would not be the first person to admit it. When have the meek ones ever done so? It fell upon me then - this pleasurable step of the mating dance.

Did I never feel any guilt? Of course! I was married - with two children and that complicated things a little. I was a loyal husband, well mostly. More importantly I was a loving father. If this came out, my family would be shattered. I knew it was dangerous. But Kiran's pull was too strong. I had given strict instructions to others on workplace romance. I had had minor dalliances before - but this, I knew, was the real deal.

Kiran was hesitant at first. This was a place of work for me, but it was Kiran's home in every sense of the word. We had to be careful about others finding out, otherwise it would end everything - not just our romance - maybe even our lives.

Those were wonderful times. Covert meetings in deserted rooms, stolen kisses, with us getting to know everything, and I mean everything, about each other - thinking of them makes me yearn for those days even now. Kiran wasn't much of a talker. After every such rendezvous, I would be in tears, thanking Kiran for everything. I only got silence as as a response. If Kiran had refused strongly, I would have stopped. It would have hurt, but I would have tried. You have to believe me on that one!

I had imagined many different ways that this would end - I thought we would eventually tire of each other or that Kiran would find someone else after a few years or that Kiran would be moved to a different place. Every scenario I had imagined, had us parting in tears - sad, but not bitter - because Kiran was too gentle for that.

What I had not imagined, was betrayal! If Raja had asked me, had confronted me, I would have explained. He, of all people, would have understood. He knows me more than anybody else. I had loved him more than anyone. I still loved him, but he decided to turn turncoat.

And that traitor, that turncoat! He could made an internal complaint - I would have lost my job and lost my face in front of the smug pot-bellied Mr. Kurien and Mrs. Das! But he had to go to the police! My own son, complained to the police! That made even Mr.Kurien and Mrs.Das angry! Our home's reputation was at stake and before you could say 'What!', they disowned me! Said I was a black sheep, an aberration, nothing more! I, Jayakumar - the most loved man at the 'Pure Hearts Orphanage' - the man who coaxed millions of dollars from white donors! I was apparently an aberration!

My family looked at me like I was something they stepped on, by mistake, on the road. My wife, refused to let me in the house and forbid me from seeing Renu and Raja. That young traitor, hid behind his mother, refusing to show his spineless self! It was good that he didn't though. I could have killed him with my bare hands!

But you know when my heart truly broke? When Kiran took the stand and said I had been abusing him for the last 2 years. He was in tears - his lovely big eyes filling with tears and filling me with yearning to reach out and caress his satin-soft cheeks - and the people in the court looked at me with so much hatred! Who made Kiran lie? What did they threaten him with? That word 'abuse'!! Surely he didn't mean that! Someone must have put him up to it! Was it Raja, who felt I had betrayed him? But I still love him - he is my son after all. Maybe not like I used to, till a couple of years ago, but I do love him!

Your Honour, I know this may not seem true to you. But surely, you have heard of May-December romances? What is age, if not just a number? Oh, I know what you will say - that Kiran was just a hapless child - all of seven years old. But you have not seen him the way I have seen him sir. Children aren't all innocent. At least this one wasn't. He knew the power he had over me! You should have seen him claim benefits that the other children in the orphanage did not get - like extra sweets, an additional pair of clothing etc. What haven't I done for him? I don't blame Kiran, your honour. He is a sweet little thing, easily led and corrupted.

I heard the lawyer here use the term 'abuse of trust and position'. He is wrong, your honour. I never abused my position. Ask the other kids in the home. Ask them if I have treated them with anything other than kindness. I know what some of the older ones like Daniel said. But it is not completely true your honour.

I am a broken man, your honour. My heart has been broken into a million pieces. My own true love testified against me. I don't ask to be acquitted your honour. I only wish to be understood. Everything I have done, I have done for love. And if I am going to be punished for it, then I am happy to accept it. But please your honour, do not put me in the prison along with murderers and rapists. They may not understand me,your honour. I don't want to live in fear for my life, your honour.

All I ask for, is a little understanding, your honour. Please!