The lady looked very familiar. She smiled, and I smiled back, hoping she would not come and try to start the conversation! Not that I did not like her or anything, it was simply that I could not seem to remember her name. Thankfully, the person she was speaking to did not pause and I got out still trying to recollect.
She used to sit next to me when I was out of a project and waiting to leave to the US for the next assignment. She would tell me her troubles with her previous manager and the hurdles she was facing within the company in spite of being a good performer. I remembered all these things, but her name was still a mystery.
Two days later I found her talking to the next desk neighbour, with whom I exchanged smiles every morning, but had no idea of her name, designation etc. I then turned to my screen hoping she would not stop by to say Hi, to continue with my work (which in this case, refers to deep thought while looking at the laptop monitor, browsing random sites, checking mails and other ultra-important tasks). Luck, I learnt, does not favour the same person twice. She stopped at my desk and said Hi.
‘Hi, how are you? I thought you were in the US?’ I said.
‘I returned a few months back. You are Rathi, right? How are you?’, she said.
‘Great’ (conversations should always end here. Responding with a ‘Great’ with nothing else following usually hints at lack of topics or talent to sustain the small talk. Alas, not every body seems to know about this!!)
She showed no sign of moving away. So I asked her a few more questions about her, but not before confessing with a stupid-me-I-forgot grin (the ugliest possible one) that I could not recollect her name.
Then came the question (finally I am getting to the part which may justify the post title somewhat).
‘So are you married now?’ she asked.
‘No’ I said. Why give more information than asked for?
‘Oh!! You told me a few years back that you were not interested. You mean you have not yet changed your mind?!’ she asked.
‘No’ I said (reason mentioned above). I also gave my second ugly grin which meant that I considered these questions as invasion into my privacy, that I resented it but I was too polite to tell her.
‘So are you planning to go on site again?’ I asked. I thought I was gently trying to steer the conversation away from the topic.
‘I am looking for opportunities’ she said. But her eyes had taken on a strange light. And she was grinning at me in a stupid manner. It looked exactly like the look on my face when I saw Circus freaks doing something funny. (Let us leave the logic of how I would know how my face looked at that time for now).
She was still looking at me like I was a freak or something. And I was trying to look away, at my laptop, at the wall - anything to show that to me the conversation had ended.
She was made of sterner stuff.
Out of the blue, she asked ‘Don’t you feel lonely?’.
‘Please leave me alone’, I wanted to say. Instead I answered with my favourite response - ‘No’.
Since she did not respond, but kept giving me that are-you-real look with a stupid smile, I explained that I lived with my parents and obviously did not feel lonely.
I then asked her if she was married and if her husband had accompanied her to US. She said she was gone for a year and a half by herself since her husband had his own business here. Fancy asking me if I was lonely since I was single!!
I continued talking about my job and asked her a few questions about hers. And she responded with another weird question.
‘Do you do any social service etc. to keep yourselves engaged?’
I am really proud to say that even at this question and implicit suggestion that women remain single because they want to serve the society and mankind or because they have old invalid parents to take care of or because they are self-sacrificing martyrs, I managed to reign in my temper and answered politely that I hardly got time to get involved in any such thing on a regular basis.
Finally she took leave after making me promise to stay in touch (you wish!!) and send her emails, even if they were forwards. I am sure that had she had a camera with her, she would have clicked a few photos to show her friends about this new museum specimen.
Have you noticed how marriage is a favourite topic for Indians? That is one topic on which we do not mind showering our advice on friends, relatives and strangers alike. I think this trait is common among Indians than people of any other country. Some quick examples from my autobiography (which I intend to publish after I do something worthwhile besides write useless blog posts and browsing useless sites).
a. A friend who has no idea whether I am alive or dead and never bothers to find out till I call her once in a few years, when I am in the US, who thinks it is her duty as a friend who is older than me by a few months, how important it is that I should get married. I have repeatedly threatened to put the phone down and told her without mincing words that my life was my business.
b. A 50-60 year old Indian that I met in the Newark airport struck up a conversation (only because my mother was with me and she is extremely social). Within 5 min of getting introduced, he asked me if I was married and on hearing my response, thought it was ok to advise my mother to get me married off!
c. I had just returned from onsite once and my mother introduced me to our new maid-servant (about 50-60 years old). She looked at me critically and asked if I was the one who refused to marry and promptly told me that I was wrong and that I should change my mind.
d. A colleague I met at on-site during one of my visits started talking to me soon after he came to know that I was from Chennai. Within 5 minutes he wanted to know why I wasn’t married and whether it was because of love failure. He even offered to link me up with some of his weird friends who were still single!
e. The parents of a prospective bride for my brother had visited to check out the size of our house, our family etc a few years back. The mother supposedly asked my mother why I was not married and later checked with my relative if I suffered from any disease.
These are just examples that I could recollect. Numerous other relatives, friends (most irritating considering their age) and neighbours of the former groups jump in to give free advice on the evils of being single. The funny part is none of these people are even concerned how I live or what I do. Their duty will end with seeing people around them happily or otherwise married, and later bear children.
What is this fixation with others marriage and personal lives? I sometimes think that Indians as such, love to see single people married soon and married people bear children immediately after. We are born matchmakers and we concern ourselves with others’ problems more than our own.
Thankfully I am past the age where I find these people irritating. I am happy that at least for a few moments I am able to get them out of their humdrum lives by providing some entertainment (as a freak) and give them a feeling of being kind and responsible people who only want good things for single girls/women around them.
