Meeting and Parting

One of the unforeseen consequences of choosing to remain single is how you remain mommy’s little girl/boy all your life. This also means that more often than not, you are expected to accompany your parents to all weddings/betrothals/birth anniversaries/religious festival exclusively for ageing relatives to get together etc.

I usually do not mind these, for it almost always means free food (traditional and served on a banana leaf!) and a chance to observe a lot of different people from a distance. Also, the fact that I was forced to miss out on most weddings in the family, thanks to my job, makes me all the more expectant about attending these family functions, if not for anything else, at least to wear the glittery clothes which I can never wear to work. The obvious difficulties are questions from hyperactive elders on my life. However I have also learnt to overlook these minor inconveniences with the larger good (I do not mean the size of my tummy by that!!) in mind.

Now, as a few of you must have guessed, based on my previous posts, I am easily contented, especially when it comes to people. All I need to be happy in a crowd is to be left to myself. I do not get offended if I am not surrounded by admirers and well-wishers, nor do I mind if I am treated as another piece of furniture in social gatherings. However, some friendly souls insist on making me ‘comfortable’, no doubt with a noble intention. As a result, a few usually walk to where I sit with my mother, with an expression that is usually accepted as some kind of a smile (although my effort is to not look sullen) and introduce themselves.

Our first challenge starts here.

‘Do you recognize me? Tell me who I am?’ - Well, if you don’t know, who am I to tell you? - I usually tell myself, but give another expression and this time it is supposed to make people think that I am embarrassed, that I actually know the person, but simply cannot recollect. This too is expected and the person explains earnestly how one of my ancestors was related by marriage/blood to one of his/her ancestors. And every single time I admire them for their optimism. You would think that after all these years of introducing themselves to random relatives, they still hope that the listener will remember and recognize them the next time!!

Anyway, for a person who is as good as a stranger (although, you are supposed to know the person from his/her visit about 15-20 years ago, when you were just learning to walk!), the conversation cannot be endless, especially when the person is on the other end is a wonderful conversationalist like me. After asking after parents, siblings, work, location (are you visiting India or do you live here?) etc, the conversation slowly starts dawdling.

The next challenge - how do you get out of the place. This, I am proud to say, has not been a big problem with me, because of 2 reasons:

1. I usually do not move from my seat, so it is the other person who needs to find an escape route!
2. My conversational skills are anyway non-existent and I do not usually have a problem with silences in conversations.

However, there are occasions when I have had to go around and greet people (usually older than me) as a mark of respect and to prove that I am not a snob (this is very important and required with relatives, since I am expected to misbehave as a result of a high-paying job and foreign trips). And every single time, while starting a conversation is simple, since there is a template for it - Questions on the person, his/her health, his/her children/grandchildren etc. - there is no easy way to end the conversation and move away. And then the conversation comes to a grinding halt.

From here on, the following usually happen:

• I look away, he/she looks away. I hope to catch the eye of some other cousin and pretend he/she is calling out to me. I then excuse myself saying I am needed elsewhere.
• I hope someone, anyone in the vicinity asks for water and offer to get it for them and leave the place.
• I suddenly look into my purse and pretend to suddenly remember that I was supposed to give my mother something. I then request to be excused for 2 min.
• I pray hard for my mobile to ring (and it never ever does when I need it to!!)

To me, this parting is the biggest issue I have with meeting people. Nothing emotional or sentimental, mind you. I admit I am socially challenged (a euphemistic term I have coined for myself, others simply say I am unfriendly) and that is probably why something as simple as ending a conversation seems such a big deal to me. Like M.Night Shyamalan showed us with ‘Unbreakable’, I am assuming that for every person like me, there must be an antithesis - a person who thinks these are not issues worth writing a post over. And it is to these kind hearts that I direct my request towards.

How do you say goodbye or end a conversation? I would prefer it if you can give me a sequence of steps to be followed rather than simply dismissing my plea for help as frivolous!