To Smile or Not to smile !

There’s another guy. He is walking towards me.

God, please let him not make eye-contact, please !!

Our eyes have met. I smile immediately.

Damn, that guy is looking through me and has moved his eyes away from me ! That is so insulting !!

Here comes the next one. Should I or shouldnt I? This one is Indian too !! What if he refuses to smile too? Research has shown that people with names starting with R, are physically incapable of enduring more than one insult a day. Coincidentally, my name starts with R too. Forget about it, I can’t help it if my lips are wired to my eyes. The minute I make eye-contact, my lips automatically expand and I end up smiling.

Before any of you notice a statement made before that may sound a tad judgemental or biased, let me hasten to correct it or rather expand it. I don’t mean to say that all Indians are averse to smiling. It is definitely a cultural thing. While we treat guests like God, we don’t treat other people as human, unless they are our guests, friends or family. To us Indians, bestowing a smile is a mark of acceptance, show of love or gratitude, a sign of cognizance of your existence, a symbol of familiarity etc. What it is definitely not, is something you would waste over some random passer-by, who, just because he/she has made eye-contact with you, expects you to smile (the nerve of the person !)!!

In the US, it is a part of the culture, to smile and wish people if eye-contact is made. It is irrelevant that the smile lasts exactly for a millionth of a second and more often than not, rarely reaches the eye. I am not sure about other countries. I was in London a few months back and people there seemed normal. They don’t look at you and smile ! They don’t wish you good morning or inquire about you !! They are just…. normal !! (Of course I am being sarcastic, do I have to say that??)

Learning to smile at the right person is an art. No, not the smiling part. The key is ‘the right person’. Will this person smile back or do you have to pretend afterwards that you suffer from facial paralysis and what seemed like a smile to a bystander was actually a temporary spasm?

Is this do with the nationality of the person? Probably not ! Americans are becoming normal too. In this place, I have encountered at least a dozen Americans, who contort their faces like they have seen something distasteful, the minute they spot you and hurry in the opposite direction maintaining a certain distance. There are those who pretend they are lost in thought just when you cross them (again, nationality does not matter). All this for what ? To avoid smiling !!

I know of a family that does not smile as a rule. They will wish you, invite you home, greet you when you enter the house, inquire about your well-being etc, all without a single smile. I think that’s an incredible feat !! Don’t you? I mean greeting someone without a hint of a smile, to me, sounds as impossible as sneezing while keeping your eyes open !

Fortunately or unfortunately, we in India, seem to be changing too. Or should I say, that we are becoming abnormal too? On some of my visits to the Bangalore office, I remember smiling at a lot of people I didn’t know (I often forget where I am !) and, hold your breath, have received smiles back (Of course I am not quoting about Chennai office, because I actually know many people by face there. So don’t gloat, you Chennai-haters !!).

What is it that makes some of us so reluctant to smile? After all, a smile does increase a person’s face value. Laugh lines make a person look more beautiful. A smile does not cost anything, except working a few facial muscles (and research shows that it is good to exercise facial muscles through means other than chewing on food and gossiping !!).

Meanwhile, I request all of you, to respond with tips on how to change a smile to something else (like may be a thoughtful expression), that will help me out in my daily dose of humiliations (which sadly always exceed 2) of not being smiled back at !! I tried sneezing, but the transition is not easy !