How's married life?

‘So how’s life after marriage?’

‘Nothing very different, I just happen to be living with another person instead of my parents’

Now thats where I wish things would stop. I really wish people don’t take my question seriously and describe every single detail about marital bliss. Not that I am a child at heart ! Remember - I watch ‘International Cinema’. Nothing anybody says (or types) can get more graphic than that!

It is only that I am not a M&B sort of person. I am not the kind of person that would go ‘Ooh’ ‘Aah’ over anybody’s love story. I don’t mind on-screen romances (mostly !). In fact, I can keep a straight face even when people romance in real life, right in front of me, for a maximum period of 3 minutes. I can pretend to be studying my nails very deeply- the cuticles, the blood flow, the broken nail - there are a thousand things that can be read in a nail.

But what when this sort of thing pops up when I am chatting with someone, I know very slightly, or am on the phone with a recently married friend, who I am not very close to, that's when I am doomed !! Why do people take questions on life after marriage very seriously and insist on talking about the cute spouse at the first chance? Do they realize that they are making me squirm in my seat?

Friend : ‘My husband calls me baby!!’

Me : ‘Oh.. ok’. (OMG !!)

Friend : ‘You know what I call him?’

Me (to myself) : ‘Do I really care?’

(To her) : What?

Her : ‘I call him ’sweet puppy’. Isn’t that cute?’

Me : That's cute ! (right answer , but sadly makes her want to go on !!)

Her : He is like a baby (Whattttttttttt !!). He refuses to let me oil his hair (I have to get out of this conversation !!).

I have walked out of mushy movies in the past. But what is reserved for me in this life, will be mine and there is no way of escaping ! I have to necessarily listen to more and more of this corny stuff especially on the phone. On chat, I simply refuse to type out a response and lie that I am busy. But the other one is hardly listening (or reading what I type !) and gushes on and on.

Things were worse in the past. People around me who were romantically involved always made me think I had drunk some potion that made me completely invisible and would be throwing glances at each other and talk cute stuff and expect me to find it amusing. Funny, except those involved everyone else seem to notice these things.

You know, movies lie. Only in movies, the heroine has a friend who is a complete doofus and would help in passing letters, accompany the heroine everywhere and vanish when the hero was near etc and probably give up her life in the end to help the lovers. In real life, all of are heroines of our stories. Everyone except us is, as they call it, a character artist !!

Now I know what to do. Let courtesy go to hell, let them think I am rude, impolite, whatever. I am fine with on-screen romances alone (at least I have a fast forward button for corny scenes). I simply cannot be made a reluctant participant in these romantic stories and listen to utter adolescent nonsense about sweet and child-like lovers or spouses. Let me live in peace .. please !!