The 'I' in me..

The few seconds in front of the deity in the temple, when I feel great peace, before pride for being such a devoted person sets in..
The time I spend with my little niece, watching with awe, the miracle of life, without worrying about work..

The few minutes when I can listen to music without analyzing what goes in and how the artist is performing …

The few seconds when I sing and become one with the music, before starting to think how good my voice sounds ..

The time spent with friends in silence, knowing words aren’t necessary and they will not mind, before I feel the urge to fill in the silence with some ‘intelligent’ crap ..

A couple of hours I spend with books, getting lost in someone else’s life without wondering how I would have written the story..

Guess there are very few times when I can simply be me without being self-conscious. Everytime I do a good deed, I am aware I am doing one and seem to be full of pride about it. I supposedly help someone selflessly all the while thinking how kind-hearted I am.

I rehearse mentally every statement before I utter it, with the sole aim of impressing people around or getting a word of appreciation. I try hard to seem casual and cool and all the while know I am pretending !

I comment caustically on others’ words, as though I am perfect and realize how shallow I myself am, for considering myself above everyone else !

I seem to have atleast 3 different people in me - the I who does things, the I who is aware of what I am doing and tells me how to do it and the I who watches these two losers trying hard to obtain the approval of the others outside !

(P.S. Its 11:45 p.m, I have a severe headache and its way past my bedtime !! No wonder I am writing a lot of pseudo-philosophical trash !!)