Onsite Woes

Originally published in my intranet site.

A great person once said ‘The only way to go onsite, is by not wanting to go onsite !’ . Ok Ok, it was not a great person, just the friend of a great person-the great person obviously being me !! How true ! How very true !!

I remember a time when all I wanted was to go to the US, earn lots of money and come back only after I turned 40. That was a time when all my relatives were pestering me to get married ! I remember praying to the goddess of the Mangadu temple that I would come to the temple on Tuesdays for 6 weeks for it to work. Six weeks passed, but I was still in Chennai. Goes to show that it is always a better idea to pay the bribe after you get what you want ! Even Gods cheat !

Then about a year passed and I guess it was time for me to finally go onsite, because I had decided by then that I would not leave Chennai at any cost ! One fine morning, my manager told me there was an interview with the customer, in the technology that I worked on. It was/is a niche technology and my previous company had a few people well-versed in the technology. Our entire division had been sold to this bigger company and no one there had ever heard of this technology. But when a client asked for it, they realized that there were 3 people who were potential candidates. I knew the other 2 and knew I would beat them hands down in the interview. My only possible competitor, my best friend, was stuck in another project at that moment and could not participate in the interview !

Anyway, the interview started and 15 min later, I was in and I was asked to travel in 2 weeks. The customer had told me that the requirement was for about a year and I started counting my remaining days in the US starting from day 1.

The client location was Rhode Island, a state so tiny, that it is not even visible in the US map and the general location is often pointed with an arrow-mark on the map. I was the only Indian in the client place. It took me almost 6 months to get accustomed to the place and the culture. I managed to retain my accent and never bowed down to the pressure of ‘fitting in’ by changing my accent or my pronunciation (’paazhying’, ‘wazhezh’, ‘cool’ anyone??).

I have made many more visits since then, none of them lasting more than 3 months. But that was the last time I actually made friends, since that was the only time I met Indians outside of the workplace.

Every trip seems to be a replica of the previous trips, except the name of the city and state and the name of the customer ! Most impressions of India and Indians are funny, thanks to CNN and hollywood movies mentioning ‘India’ !

Here are some samples.

a. Questions on Bindi - I answer them every time. Women have asked me these questions everywhere - in a queue near the billing counter at Walmart, inside a mall, in the office, everywhere !

Is that a religious symbol or is it simply cosmetic? Is there a difference between a red one and a black one? Do only married women wear it ? (A Cuban cab-driver once told me - ‘Oh I know what it means. It is the spiritual eye !!’)

b. Do we speak Indian in India? How come Indians speak to each other in English instead of Indian?

c. A cab driver once asked me - ‘I saw on TV that India is full of orphans and beggars. Is that true?’

I replied that there were as many orphans and beggars in India as there were in the US !!

d. On telling my manager that I was a vegetarian when we went out for team lunch, he said - ‘Rathi (that is Raaatti for them !!), you can have this one. This is calamari. It is only squid !!’

e. On asking for vegetarian food (no meat, no fish, no chicken and no eggs !!) in a restaurant, the waitress asked me if it was ok if they used chicken oil or should they use vegetable oil !

f. On marriages - ‘Oh I heard you guys have to marry people of your parents’ choice. That must be terrible !!’. I have tried to explained the idea of families, respect towards elders etc., and how things are slowly changing etc, but that has not helped much.

g. One person asked me whether there were a lot of snakes and magicians in India (bloody Indiana Jones !!). I told him it was a common misconception and hadn’t he heard about Indian BPOs etc. I was already tired of hearing these questions often and told him that after watching Hollywood movies, many Indians thought that people in the US were immoral, which of course is not true. I guess that shut him up !

And now after having stayed in India for more than 6 months continuously I am getting ready to pack my bags again. Some more months of self-cooking, living alone and watching movies by myself, answering the same questions about India, and laughing at jokes that are not funny at all, simply because I am having lunch with the BDM and the customer, talking about things that are really boring (for me !!) - India’s improving economy, what we do back in India, explain polytheism, Hindu philosophy, arranged marriages, climate in India, vegetarianism etc.

After living like a queen in India, I need to go back to the land of plenty and live like a pauper - sleep on a comforter on the hardwood floor and wake up with a sore back, search for things on sale every-time I go to the store, tag along with colleagues or take the cab to work for some months, buy and drive a 2nd or 3rd hand car, wake up and go to bed with offshore calls, spend weekends going to ‘Indian temples’ and washing clothes), share family joys virtually over the webcam, celebrate festivals by going to the office!

Many of my colleagues are bent upon going onsite, although not all of them are considered capable. I am supposed to feel flattered by this, because I am one of the chosen ones.

I don’t WANT to be the chosen one. I am happy in India, its traffic, population, eccentricities notwithstanding. I was planning to spend the summer in gorging down mangoes of different varieties. I have clothes lined up in my wardrobe, that I was planning to strut around in. I have gifts planned for birthdays and anniversaries of my family and friends. I have movies that I was planning to watch with my family. I have to learn music. I have my pretty niece with whom I want to spend hours in cuddling and petting. I have temples to visit in India, states in India that I have not yet seen.

But then if wishes were horses then beggars would ride ! Like it or not, I need to start packing, raise a travel request, hunt for apartments, open another bank account, find the public library, meet with the customer, try and make temporary friends and get on with life !!