Friends,
Next time you watch a movie, here are points to remember. These points will help you identify the characters in the movie. These are also useful, if you wish to make a movie some day.
1. The poor are always good - kind, generous, loving etc etc. They also have a lot of self-esteem and dont care for money. To them honour is more important than money ! The same qualities are applicable for the uneducated too.
2. The rich are usually bad, have a lot of bad qualities. Money means everything to them. Family values mean nothing.
3. Rich women always wear designer sarees (bollywood) or silk sarees with broad zaris (other woods !!) and always always wear heavy jewelery. They also wear a huge bun (slightly good women) even when they are sleeping, or have cropped hair (bad women !)
4. Rich men wear shining silk robes to bed. Both men and women, wear gold framed spectacles with chains hanging from them all the time, if they are rich.
5. Heroines, who work and are self-sufficient are usually arrogant. The good girls simply dream about the heroes, sing a couple of songs and either marry him and help him in getting married to his lady love and end up dying in the process. The hero’s main aim in the movie is to tame the ‘arrogant’ heroine so that she learns the simple pleasure of cooking and packing lunches for her husband !
6. Colleges (and sometimes schools) are places where the hero, his sidekicks, the heroine and her friends roam around, participate in singing and dancing competitions, fall in love, make fun of professors etc.
7. If there is a classroom scene, it should usually have a goofy professor teaching the class Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.This is when our aging hero and heroine steal glances at each other.
Sometimes, high level stuff like addition, subtraction, atomic numbers etc are discussed.
8. The hero, attending college usually look like a lecturer in his late 30s. The sidekicks look like college principals.
9. If it is a bollywood movie, and a south indian character can be introduced to bring out some laughs. The character is usually badly made up with a half-shaven head and starts every sentence with ‘Aiyayoo kyaa ji’.
10. Comedians have to be loud. The less funny the joke is, the louder the comedian is.
11. Heroines are usually rich and heroes are usually poor. But the heroine gets to wear lesser clothes. The hero usually wears some designer stuff, rides a great bike, but borrows from his friends for his exam fees.
12. Villains are bad; I mean, real bad. There is no single redeeming quality in them. They usually have limited vocabulary and tend to repeat the same phrase throughout the movie.
13. Child actors if any, are very cute looking, until they start talking. They usually end up mouthing dialogues, which would have earned them tight slaps in reality, but usually sets the listener in the movie thinking !
14. Heroines are usually skimpily dressed when they attend college. Their costumes are worse in dream sequences. No matter what the climate is, clothes are always sparse. But the minute they decide to tie the knot, its only sarees and salwars and huge bindis for them.
15. Dream sequences are mostly by heroines. The ratio of dream sequences by heroines to those by heroes, is directly proportional to the age and inversely proportional to the looks of the hero.
16. Happy families in movies (usually poor or middle class, never rich) usually laugh for nothing at all. So you have a whole bunch of loonies who laugh over something utterly ridiculous.
17. All characters, no matter whether they are related to the main story or not, need to converge in the same place during the climax sequence. This is to ensure that all of them can pose for the family photograph in the end.
Note : The above list is not comprehensive and may increase with inputs from others !!
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